Q: I learned recently about someone calling their dog the true love of their life. I understand this, but could you talk about what this means? What’s this dynamic between us and our domesticated animals?
There are many ways people connect with animals, shaped by our needs and level of awareness. For much of human history, animals were seen as resources, here for our use. That view asks nothing of us: no responsibility, no awareness of the exchange of energies, no recognition that our planet’s resources are finite.
I believe we are entering a time when the old idea of “dominion over” will give way to something truer: we are all here together, we all need each other, and we all need to take care of each other.
Our sense of ownership and possession will necessarily diminish as resources become increasingly scarce, so there will be less to own and possess. This will produce more sensitivity to the animals in our lives, because when all of the “things” in life are no longer freely available and one cannot distract themselves readily with more “things,” there has to be a recentering on being and reconnecting with beings.
This shift will deepen the bond many already feel with animals, no matter the species—dog, cat, horse, bird, etc. As human relationships become more fractured and mistrustful, many will find safety and refuge in connection with animals.
Q: Why is that?
Since dogs are the most common pet in US households, let’s talk about dogs. And dogs, in particular, have a gift for extending a steadfast and devoted love that’s so constant and wholehearted that we experience it as unconditional. While many animals also offer what feels like “love without condition,” domestication has given dogs unique facial muscles (like the ones that raise their inner eyebrows) that make their faces more expressive and easier for us to read. And that makes it easier for us to feel a bond with them.
As pack animals, dogs are wired to be tuned into each other, to be connected to each other in energetic ways. This makes it easy for them to be connected with anyone they see as part of their pack. That’s why they’re often anxious when left alone. It’s not only because they miss us, but because in the canine world, separation is met with physical and energetic communication. Another dog would send back a signal: “I’m by the river” or “I’m at the next hill.” Humans don’t have that reciprocity that can send signals back to the dog: “I’m at the office, I’m at the store.” So the dog’s “Where are you?” goes unanswered, creating anxiety and worry in the dog. So when we return home, the dog’s need for greeting and reconnecting is very strong.
Yet popular dog training often advises that people ignore their dogs on returning home until the dogs have calmed down, withholding attention in an effort to discourage overexcitement. That’s another misunderstanding by people that is experienced as rejection by dogs. They’re trying to reconnect in the way they would with any other pack member. Ignoring their attempts to reconnect can leave them feeling anxious, misinterpreting “calming cues” as rejection.
Q: What should we do instead?
It would be far better if people would immediately get down on the ground and let the dog greet them, smell them, lick them, and be happy to see them. But this is the more typical human behavior: “I will mold you to my will to fit into my world and live by my rules.” It’s astonishing, really, the level to which dogs accept this treatment and continue to love.
Finally, back to this person’s love for their dog that you referenced… For those who are sensitive and have the ability to make a genuine connection, to genuinely exchange and feel the energy of the other, they are able to sense that unconditional love. They experience this intensely profound acceptance of the dog for who they are. And the love for who they are. It’s freeing for them, and healing, to be able to make that connection and feel that love.
For those who are able to feel it, they can’t imagine forcing a dog to live under their dominion. Because they do not see the dog as subservient, or as a dog. They see the dog as a being full of pure love, which in turn makes them experience themselves as a being full of pure love. It’s an intensely spiritual exchange, because it is formless and wordless and yet complete.