I grew up on a farm with a menagerie of animals. I remember being fascinated by watching the farrier who’d come to work on shoeing our horses. He’d stick the horseshoe in the fire, then onto the anvil to strike it with his hammer. Back into the fire, then out again to test its metal—literally. All the while, he’d be hammering it into the shape he needed. It was a precise activity. Not one swing of the hammer was wasted. It was the combination of the fire’s heat and the blacksmith’s strength that shaped the horseshoe into its final, useful, perfect form. Which makes a fitting analogy for tonight’s topic.
But what does blacksmithing have to do with shaping a life, you might ask?
The principles are the same. You may see the element of fire as something outside yourself, but it’s the blacksmith who builds the fire and controls the heat. Life, too, is shaped by both the challenges we face (the fire) and the effort we bring (the hammer). Every challenge and every effort is necessary and purposeful.
Q: Why do I get discouraged when I see how much shaping my life still needs?
Part of the problem is that we were led to believe our lives would somehow shape themselves if we just showed up—that being good and kind, and following the prescribed order, would naturally bring us what we were due. But life doesn’t work that way. Just as a blacksmith must actively shape the metal, we have to be intentional and engaged in shaping our own lives. Passively waiting rarely brings the outcomes we hope for.
It’s also natural to feel discouraged when you see how far you still have to go. Discouragement often arises when we believe that needing more work means we’ve failed, or that the process is endless and exhausting. But needing more shaping isn’t a sign of failure—it’s a sign that you are in the very process that will make you strong and whole. Every life, like every piece of metal, needs repeated returns to the fire and careful shaping on the anvil. If you feel discouraged, know that you are not alone, and that this feeling is part of the journey—not a reason to give up.
We don’t expect the metal to shape itself, so when we take it out of the fire and see it still needs work, that’s not a reason for discouragement. It’s a sign the fire is hot enough to make the metal malleable. Be grateful for that. The real work is in picking up the hammer and shaping what’s been made ready.
Q: What if I don’t feel strong enough to lift the hammer and shape my life?
If you don’t feel strong enough to shape the metal, to lift the hammer, then you’d better get on an exercise program and get strong because this is your life you’re shaping. Feed your mind and spirit with strength and humor. Seek out positive, uplifting material, surround yourself with positive people, and remind yourself daily that you are strong. The difference isn’t that you lack strength; it’s that you’re choosing not to use it right now. You possess the skills, knowledge, and strength. What you may be lacking is morale.
Q: How do we raise our morale when we feel stuck?
Morale is the energy and enthusiasm that makes us want to act. It’s not something you wait for—it’s something you cultivate by choosing aliveness in each moment. Make it your goal to be the most alive person in every encounter and to transmit that spark in every conversation, no matter how brief. When you focus on being truly present and alive, opportunities find you.
Q: Why is it so hard to be present?
Our culture teaches us to live in the past and the future—regretting, planning, measuring, comparing. Living in the now is a much-talked-about idea, but rarely practiced. You don’t need a teacher to learn how to do this; it’s about reminding yourself, moment to moment: Where am I now? What am I experiencing? What am I feeling, and why? What does it mean to take nothing for granted?
Q: How did we lose our ability to live in the present?
With the desire for acquisition came measurement, value judgments, and ego. We built a house of cards and moved in. The more we focus on what we have or don’t have, the further we drift from the present.
Q: What would life be like if everyone lived in the now?
It would be pretty much unimaginable because it would be nothing like our current existence. It would be your idea of Utopia. But—and this is a big but—only if everyone had done the psychological and spiritual work to experience and maintain the now.
Q: What is that psychological work?
It’s about becoming a crystal-clear communicator and receiver. Say what you mean. Hear what others mean. Process and interpret to gain the fullest understanding of yourself, others, and the greater circumstances.
Q: How do we start living more like that?
You already know what to do. Stop unwanted thoughts. Practice focusing your mind through meditation. Get reacquainted with your basic needs, and find healthy ways to fulfill them.
Q: What do you mean by “basic needs”?
All creatures have basic needs—the ingredients for a healthy being. In modern culture, these needs have been manipulated, making us want things we don’t need and feel things we don’t actually feel. Many people have lost touch with what they truly require to be healthy and whole. I’m not talking about food and shelter, but about emotional and spiritual needs. The most essential is a sense of connection to something more than yourself: another person, family, animals, nature, friends.
Q: What does real connection look like?
Because people don’t know how to experience this connection for themselves, it is often passed down in allegories through religion and spiritual teachings: see everyone as your brother and sister. That reduces it to such a small element of what this connection is. Though if people were even able to really do that, it would be something quite spectacular.
It’s not about competition or being special. It’s about spiritual and emotional awareness, of experiencing a connection, where there is no difference between you and me. What you feel, I feel. What you experience, if I’m in your field, I experience. This kind of connection requires emotional and spiritual clarity: not just feeling, but knowing what you feel and integrating it for greater understanding.
Q: Why is this so important for our future?
If humanity wishes for longevity, our greatest threat isn’t war or disaster, but disconnection—from ourselves and each other. If you could teach your children one thing, let it be the importance of connection. Speak honestly and directly about your experiences. In doing so, you remind everyone that we are joined at the most fundamental level.