As sensitive people, you probably know this scenario all too well. You’re constantly absorbing other people’s emotions and then feeling overwhelmed and drained in social situations that others seem to handle with ease. You might even avoid certain places or people because the energy exchange is just too much to handle.
What many don’t realize is that this sensitivity isn’t something to shut down; it’s a gift to manage with proper boundaries. Boundary setting is one of the most crucial skills for sensitive people to master.
Q: Why do intuitive people struggle so much with boundaries?
For highly sensitive, intuitive people, the world comes at us with full force. Other people just hear what someone says. We hear what they say, we feel their hidden emotions, sense their unspoken needs, and absorb their energy states. Without good boundaries, this becomes overwhelming fast.
Many intuitive people suffer because we often fail to communicate our needs clearly. Instead of simply stating how we feel or what we need, we try to accommodate everyone else while silently resenting the burden.
The irony is that we often think we’re being kind by not speaking up, when actually we’re creating situations where nobody can win. They don’t know what’s happening with us, and we feel increasingly resentful.
Q: What’s the most important principle for setting boundaries?
Tell the truth quick. This might sound simplistic, but it’s a game-changer. When something doesn’t feel right, say so immediately—before you have time to talk yourself out of it or construct elaborate justifications to make it be okay when it’s not.
If you don’t give people a chance to understand what’s going on with you, and they’re allowed to assume what’s going on with you, they’re usually going to assume wrong. This is true for everybody, not just sensitive people. This is what leads to misunderstandings that could have been avoided with a simple truth stated quickly.
Q: How do I know if I need better boundaries?
Here’s a quick test. Ask yourself: Am I exhausted after social interactions? Do I avoid saying “no” even when I want to? Am I constantly trying to figure out what others need from me? Do I feel responsible for other people’s emotions? Do I feel resentful toward people in my life? Do I avoid confrontation?
If you answered yes to even half of these, you likely need to strengthen your boundaries.
Q: Won’t people be upset if I suddenly start setting boundaries?
Some might be. When you change the dynamic of a relationship, there can be resistance. It usually goes one of two ways. The relationship is either going to evolve into a more honest, healthy connection, or the other person will refuse to acknowledge your new boundaries, and you’ll be pressured back into old patterns.
Usually, what you’ll find when you tell the truth is that everybody else around you will start telling the truth too. Because you’re giving them permission, and they’ll feel awkward if they don’t join you in that honesty.
And yes, some people will run away. Which is a good thing. Let them! Anyone who can’t handle your boundaries will remove themselves from your life in order to stop feeling uncomfortable around you because you’ve changed the rules. That’s a really easy boundary to set because you don’t have to do anything except tell the truth.
Q: What if I know too much about what others are feeling?
One student shared a situation that you can probably relate to. She explained: “I’m living with a couple of friends who I’m having difficulty with, not because of anything they’re doing, but because of my intuitive sense and what I pick up from them. If each of them is upset or angry, I pick up on that very easily… I feel it’s my responsibility to make them feel better.”
This is a classic boundary issue for intuitive people. The solution? Yup. Tell the truth quick.
When this student finally did speak up after a year of struggling, she was surprised and relieved by their reaction. She said, “They were very understanding and very open to talking about it. I realized I was just trying to run away and hide rather than deal with the situation.”
Q: How do I set boundaries without changing who I am as a caring person?
You’re not changing who you are as a person by setting boundaries. You’re giving the other person an opportunity to potentially change their relationship with you.
If it changes them, it’s because a light bulb went off in their head and they’re experiencing a self-realization. But that’s their journey, not your responsibility.
Setting boundaries doesn’t mean caring less. It means caring for yourself as much as you care for others.
Q: What happens if I don’t set boundaries?
If you’re not setting a boundary, you’re deciding to pay a price. There’s always a cost when we don’t set boundaries. For many intuitive people, it’s about fear of not being liked, fear of confrontation, fear of rejection, and/or a need for approval
When you avoid setting boundaries, you’re limiting your own freedom, exhausting your own energy, and often building up resentment that can damage relationships more than honesty ever could.
Q: How do I start setting boundaries when I’ve never done it before?
It’s not as scary as you think. Start with awareness. Notice when you feel drained, resentful, or uncomfortable. Then begin with simple truths, such as “I need some alone time,” “That doesn’t work for me,” or “I’m feeling overwhelmed right now.”
This step takes a little more courage because you have to then tell the other person how you’re going to change. You can’t skip this step because if you spring sudden changes on people, they can experience it as rejection.
Also, understand that permanent change happens slowly. It’s a good idea to start with small steps rather than try to transform everything at once. Just because you’ve finally mustered up the courage doesn’t mean you want to lay it all out in one go before you run out of that courage. That’s a bad idea. Have a little more faith in yourself that after you take the first step, you’ll take the second step and the third.
It’s also easier if you practice with safe people first. Start with people you trust before tackling more challenging relationships. The trick is to make this an ongoing practice with the understanding that you have the rest of your life to get better at this.
A student recently shared with me one of his boundary-setting experiences. After he and his partner left class, they went out for supper, and he found himself discussing something in a conversation with his partner that he said he never would have brought up. That was about a year ago, and he said what he realized was that he was just trying to run away and hide, rather than deal with the situation.
This is exactly what happens when we begin to trust ourselves enough to express our truth. When you let people know who you are and what you need, you create the space for genuine connection.
The point is to get good at allowing others to see and respond to the real you, not just the accommodating version you present to the world.
For intuitive people, if you don’t learn to set good boundaries, your sensitivity becomes a burden rather than the gift it truly is. So the next time you feel that familiar overwhelm creeping in, remember to tell the truth quick. Your intuitive self will thank you.