Having lived with dogs all my life—I feel uniquely qualified to warn you about the perils of dog ownership. Sure, they look adorable in those Instagram posts, but here’s the unfiltered truth about why you might want to reconsider that trip to the shelter.
10 Reasons To Rethink Getting a Dog
1. Your Vacuum Will Become an Extension of Your Arm
Remember when you bought that fancy vacuum and thought, “This will last for years”? Yeah. No. Your new full-time job is vacuuming fur from surfaces you didn’t even know existed. My Australian Shepherd alone could insulate a small country with his seasonal shedding.
2. Silence Becomes a Different Kind of Alarm
That peaceful morning coffee? Gone. Phone calls? I have to sneak out into the garage. My Cavaliers have developed an intricate barking system where one sounds the initial alarm (squirrel spotted three blocks away) and the other provides backup vocals. The mailman thinks I run a kennel. When they’re quiet is when you start to think there’s something wrong.
3. Your Bed Is No Longer Yours
Sure, you’ll start with firm boundaries: “No dogs on the bed!” A few weeks later, you’ll be clinging to the edge of your mattress while three furry bodies sprawl diagonally across your bed, snoring louder than your partner.
4. Travel? What’s That?
Spontaneous weekend getaways become logistical nightmares involving dog sitters, detailed care instructions, and guilt. So. Much. Guilt. The trunk space formerly used for your luggage now houses portable dog beds and chew toys.
5. Money Pits With Paws
That money you were saving for retirement? Redirected to premium dog food, vet visits, and replacing the couch they redecorated with their teeth. My credit card company once called to verify I hadn’t been robbed when they saw my pet store charges.
6. You’ll Talk About Poop. A Lot.
Discussions about consistency, frequency, and location of dog waste will become normal conversation topics, even at dinner parties. You’ll find yourself exchanging poop stories with other dog owners like you’re discussing fine wine.
7. Supernatural Timing Abilities
Dogs possess an uncanny sixth sense for knowing EXACTLY when you’re about to start an important Zoom call, sit down with a hot meal, or finally relax at the end of a long day. That’s precisely when they’ll need an emergency bathroom break, discover a suspicious noise that requires frantic barking, or bring you their soggiest toy as an “urgent gift.”
8. Your Phone Is Only for Dog Storage
95% of your photos will be of dogs. Most of them blurry. You’ll still show all 437 nearly identical pictures to anyone who makes the mistake of asking about your dogs.
9. Clean Cars Are for People Without Dogs
That new car smell lasts approximately 3.7 minutes after dog ownership begins. Instead, you’ll have “wet dog in rain” air freshener permanently infused into your upholstery.
10. They’ll Steal Your Heart Completely
The worst part? Despite the chaos, expense, and inconvenience, you’ll love them so ridiculously much that you’ll find yourself writing blog posts about why not to get dogs… while simultaneously browsing rescue websites “just to look.” See the next blog post about the Mini Aussie in Rescue? Yep, nearly was ready to fly to Hawaii to get him. It’s pathological…
Don’t say I didn’t warn you! But if you ignore my advice… well then, welcome to the club. It’s the only club worth belonging to, in my opinion.
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