Q: The spiritual path can be lonely. How do we deal with this loneliness?
Loneliness on a spiritual path can be a positive sign of growth. It means you no longer feel that you fit with those not on a spiritual path and may not have found a community that shares that spiritual path. That’s stage one. Let’s call it the Misfit Stage; you are in the “between” space where the old world has lost its appeal, but the new world hasn’t yet appeared.
Stage two is the Community Paradox. You find a spiritual community and feel less lonely. For a while. But then, as you continue to grow, the loneliness returns. In this stage, you’ve grown to the point where you realize that even spiritual communities may represent a kind of dogma or rigidity that your current level of spirituality has passed beyond. You are with people but experience the distance between differing depths.
In stage three, The Deepening Silence, your spiritual process has deepened to the point where considerable time is spent in meditation. There are breakthrough moments of deep awareness to something greater. Here, the loneliness is quieted by the presence of the Infinite, while the world of people feels increasingly far away.
In stage four, The Rebound of Separation, the loneliness is now that you’re not able to stay in that deeper awareness. You have momentarily experienced “Oneness,” but keep falling back into the “many.” As one experiences the concept of non-duality, there is an initial rebound reaction triggered by the intense awareness of separation that duality brings. You are lonely for the Home you just visited.
Stage five is the Breakthrough. Loneliness dissolves. The “loner” and the “lonely” are seen as part of the same play of consciousness. The question of loneliness is a given until this point, where the attraction to non-duality intensifies until it finds completion because there is no longer a “self” to be separate from anything else.
To deal with the loneliness of the earlier stages, seek out other like-minded people, but do so with open eyes. Realize that all groups have a mixture of personalities and levels of awareness, which causes personality clashes and so on. So, do not look for a perfect group, but for those few who are of like mind. And find a teacher who can help lead the way.
Loneliness can also be a sign of inconsistent commitment, which may slow down the experience of progress and cause one to spend a longer time in the desert. But think of loneliness as having movement. Find a teacher, find a community. Reach your hand out to the person on the path behind you who is also lonely and seeking. Everyone needs to reach out a hand in front of them and a hand behind them, so that all can be pulled up the mountain together. Because only at the top of the mountain does separation disappear.