Q: I was reading today that one of the stages along the way to awakening is becoming silent. As someone who has a pretty powerful need to share what I’m thinking, am I in particular need of working on becoming a quieter person, listening more, and keeping to myself?
It’s true that once a regular sustained practice of meditation is established, silence is a natural outgrowth. That’s because once we are able to quiet our minds, the constant chatter and background noise diminish. As we fall more deeply into that quiet as a natural state, the desire to speak less also arises.
But we should also be aware that, after starting to meditate and seeing progress, we can paradoxically encounter a phenomenon known as an extinction burst—a temporary increase in thoughts before they start to quiet down again. It’s as though our subconscious knows our goal is to move toward awakening, which—for some—can mean less engagement with the world. So, we feel moved to say and think everything we can before we lose that opportunity.
At this stage, it’s easy to feel discouraged and convince ourselves that we’re not good at meditation and then use this as an excuse to quit. But if you know about and expect this stage, you can view it as an encouraging sign that you’re on the verge of a breakthrough. So keep going!
It’s not so much that you must become silent (though small talk and gossip will definitely lose their appeal) as that you will develop a craving for mindful communication—to speak only when it furthers your spiritual life or another’s. So, yes, while silence plays a role, it’s not about becoming mute but rather about developing a deeper awareness of yourself and the world around you.
Most people can’t see or feel energy fields to know what another is feeling, so they use words to connect. It’s baked into our culture—meaningless words to fill silence because people don’t know what to do with silence. For example: “How are you today?” “Fine, thanks; how are you?” “Good. Have a nice day.” These exchanges are just a way to say, “I see you. We are both here in this moment together.”
It’s like we’re all stuck at a broken flashing traffic light, where people are so overstimulated emotionally that they don’t know whether to stop, go, slow down, speed up, take a chance, or not take a chance. This creates a kind of destabilizing uncertainty and stress that causes people to talk more to fill the silence in an attempt to release the stress.
If we understood that language is used to talk to each other energetically, i.e., give each other virtual hugs and pats on the back, comfort through vibrational touch, and rebuke for unwanted vibrational hooks, we would more quickly be able to get at the heart of what we really want to say. Then, we would discover an economy of words because we would say what we mean instead of talking around it.
As you progress spiritually, you’ll find that your way of interacting with people will be more about listening and offering a smile. Allowing someone to feel heard is profoundly impactful. And a kind face often communicates more than words.
Your current work is to develop a strong spiritual center. When we develop a strong center, we become like a buoy on the ocean. The wind and waves might toss us about, but they cannot turn us upside down. We will always right ourselves again. This is the value of prolonged meditation and spiritual practice.
You also need to establish a habit of spiritual learning. Read the works of the great masters to learn how to think, how to behave, and how to deepen your spiritual awareness. Understand why you are meditating, its value, and how to view encounters spiritually. This way, you’ll know when it’s important to remain silent and when to speak out. Alongside meditation, a habit of spiritual learning is essential because these skills and knowledge are no longer innate. We must relearn what we have forgotten.
Q: Can you recommend some great spiritual masters to learn from?
Anyone that you feel an affinity with. All religions and philosophies have great masters to learn from, including figures like Jesus, Buddha, and Muhammad, as well as contemporary teachers. They’re not difficult to find. You will know when you’ve found the right one for you because you will feel better reading their material. It will strike you as inherently true.
Look for a teacher who speaks the truth, who has kept their humanity, and who has moved beyond ego. Listen to them or read their material. If you feel that you’re sitting at the feet of someone who has deep knowledge and wisdom, you have found a good teacher. If their words make you angry or you frequently find yourself thinking, “Yeah, but..” they are not the right teacher for you—no matter how popular they may be and no matter how strongly someone else may recommend them.
It is important that each person make that deep connection for themselves so that they can sustain the practice required to continue to learn and grow.
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