Q: Certain subjects, words, and criticisms have the power to shake us to our core. What’s going on here?
Let’s talk about the power that words have over us. They sometimes carry heavy emotional and psychological weight. They can lift us up. They can also crush us. For the most part, we have a basic understanding of how and when this happens. And when it’s happening in the moment. But what many people don’t realize is that whenever there is a strong emotional charge around something that’s been said, the energy pattern that’s being exchanged creates an energetic hook in us that lasts. This is what’s happening when we replay a conversation in our head many times over, trying to resolve feelings around the pain and discomfort this hook is causing us.
So, it’s really important to be aware and careful when we choose words so we don’t set unintended hooks. Because once a hook is set, it is a permanent hook in that person until or unless they figure out how to release themselves from this energy.
Also, most people don’t recognize this is a two-way hook. Once someone is hooked, that person will then hold distressing and upsetting feelings toward the person who hooked them. Even though the other person may be unaware of the lasting reaction their words have caused, the energy flows both ways, so the other person becomes unknowingly hooked as well.
This is another way of explaining how we create karma, how we tie ourselves to people in this life and the next. For those on the spiritual path who are seeking awakening, enlightenment, or whatever word you choose to use, setting hooks is especially damaging because it ties us to that other person on the earth plane when what we are looking for is to be completely released and free.
Q: How do you get something unhooked? If you really want to get rid of the hooks you already have, how do you get rid of them?
Once a hook is embedded, it will be subject to being pulled, causing pain anytime that memory is activated. It creates an emotional vibration that can trigger a feedback loop because the brain doesn’t know how to release itself from replaying and re-stimulating the original hurt.
The way most people try to unhook themselves is to think about what they could have said better or more cleverly. A justification. An explanation. Good self-defense. Usually, the feeling is one of: “You don’t understand, or you wouldn’t have said that.” Again, it is often connected to the feeling of, “Can’t you see how hard I’m trying, can’t you see how much I’ve already done, can’t you see how much I have to do, can’t you see what I need that I’m not getting, can’t you see what you’re saying is unfair and unkind?”
None of that is effective in removing the hook. In fact, it just sets the hook deeper. The solution is to stop the thought. Do not allow the thought to replay. When it comes up, mentally, say to yourself sharply, Stop or No, or some other interruptive phrase that lets your inner self know it does not want that hook stimulated. When that vibration is not stimulated, it cannot stay fed. When it is not fed, it shrivels. That is how you unhook the hook—you starve it from the feedback loop.
Q: Does it require you to forgive the person who set the hook? Because if this is also a karmic thread that has bound the two together, is forgiveness necessary?
It is helpful and beneficial, but strictly speaking, it’s not necessary. What is necessary is to stop the repetitive thoughts around what was said. Therapy is a possible option, but truly, meditation and a refusal to entertain those thoughts are all that is required.
Sometimes, the individual may feel the need to say something to that other person to let them know they were hurt by their words. That is also an option, but unless that person is verbally skilled, it is often an option that causes new hooks to be set. Because now the other person typically becomes defensive. They may apologize, but they are also just as likely to defend what they said and not accept responsibility. Instead, they throw it back on the other individual, saying things like, “You are too sensitive. I didn’t mean it that way. I was only joking.”
We are talking at a very high level of awareness and most people don’t operate from that level. Especially for a spiritual person, the best approach is to starve the hook, to disengage from that individual, and to walk forward and not look back.
Q: Are these hooks we’ve been talking about always, or most of the time, hurtful words?
Every energy exchange has the potential to become a hook. A hook is created when the energy gets blocked somewhere in your body instead of passing through you like a breeze blowing by. If there’s any part of you that grabs onto that vibration, you are actually the one who sets the hook, not the other person. The other person is rarely aware it’s happened.
Earlier, I mentioned meditation. A long-standing practice of meditation helps us to keep the hooks from getting set. It makes us better able to tell the mind, Nope, I’m not accepting that comment. I’m done thinking about that.
But let’s go back now to another aspect of your question. Can we set happy hooks? Of course we can. By extending to others genuine smiles, words of encouragement, and kindness as often as possible. Not the saccharine sweet meaningless platitudes of “don’t you look pretty today?” Or some other flattering empty-worded energy exchange. Rather, by pointing out something positive about that individual.
This will also help you in your spiritual development. Because if a positive hook is set, the energy that flows back from that person to you is deep appreciation, becoming a very powerful healing, cleansing energy. So, yes, if you are going to set a hook, make it positive or choose not to speak. This doesn’t mean you can’t make observations or say what needs to be said. It just means to choose your words carefully. You can say anything you need to say. Just make the effort to find a kind way to say it.
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