Good for a giggle

Happy Mother’s Day

To all my “mom” friends–here are a few smiles to brighten your day.

[Answers given by 2nd grade school children to the following questions:]

Why did God make mothers?

  1. She’s the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
  2. Mostly to clean the house.
  3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.

How did God make mothers?

  1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
  2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
  3. God made my Mom just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.

What ingredients are mothers made of?

  1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.
  2. They had to get their start from men’s […]
By |2012-08-19T15:53:51-04:00May 8th, 2011|Funnies, Life|2 Comments

The Case of the Dog Food Mouse, the City Mouse, and the Country Mouse

So goes a recent phone conversation between Cait at home after school, and Andrew and me at work. Cait calls. Andrew picks up the phone.

Cait: Dad, there’s a mouse in the dog food drawer. How do I get it out?

Andrew: Yell at it.

Cait: Yell at it?

Andrew: Yeah, that’ll scare it out.

Cait: Is Mom there?

Andrew (handing me the phone): Cait wants to talk to you .

Me: Hey honey, what’s up?

Cait: Mom, there’s a mouse in the dog food drawer. How do I get it out?

Me: Go into the pantry and get a plastic container and a piece of cardboard. Put the container over the […]

By |2018-01-01T11:44:04-05:00April 24th, 2011|.Cait and Me, .My Dogs and Me, Funnies, Life|1 Comment

Living With a Dog Who Speaks English

Kiera, my Australian Shepherd, has a vocabulary of a hundred or so individual words and a couple dozen expressions — last time I counted. On the one hand it makes life much easier for me. For instance, I can just tell her to go get Cait for dinner, instead of yelling upstairs. Or I can ask her to help me find my other shoe that Graidy, my Border Collie mix, has hidden somewhere. The “helpful” list goes on and on. There are also those times when it can be a real pain in the derriere. This was one of those instances:

Kiera, lying quietly in her favorite cool spot by the sliding door, tracked me with her eyes as I walked […]

By |2016-10-24T09:56:34-04:00March 6th, 2011|.My Dogs and Me, Funnies|10 Comments

Points of View

If you can start the day without caffeine,

If you can get going without pep pills,

If you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,

If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,

If you can eat the same food every day and be grateful for it,

If you can understand when your loved ones are too busy to give you any time,

If you can take criticism and blame without resentment,

If you can resist treating a rich friend better than a poor friend,

If you can conquer tension without medical help,

If you can relax without liquor,

If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,

If you can love unconditionally (thanks Cindy for this key addition),

…Then You Are […]

By |2016-10-24T09:56:40-04:00July 12th, 2009|Dogs in General, Funnies, Life|4 Comments